تبلیغات
«دهکده زبان» - مطالب لطیفه ها
مرتبه
تاریخ : جمعه 12 مهر 1392

The Professor and the Sailor

A professor was traveling by boat. On his way he asked the sailor, “Do you know anything about physiology, biology, ecology, zoology, or geography?”

The sailor said no to all his questions.

“What the hell do you know on earth?! You will die of illiteracy,” said the professor.

After a while the boat started sinking. The sailor asked the professor, “Do you know swiminology and escapology from sharkology?”

The professor said no.

“Well, sharkology and crocodilogy will eat your legology, bodiology, and headology, and you will dieology because of your mouthology!” said the sailor confidently.

sharks under the boat - کوسه زیر قایق

ادامه مطلب

طبقه بندی: لطیفه ها، 

برچسب ها: لطیفه، جوک، جک، انگلیسی، خنده دار، متن، The Professor and the Sailor،

نویسنده: بهنام کیماسی
مرتبه
تاریخ : جمعه 17 خرداد 1392

Wrong E-mail Address

A couple going on vacation but his wife was on a business trip so he went to the destination first and his wife would meet him the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick email.

Unfortunately, when typing her address, he mistyped a letter and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher’s wife whose husband had passed away only the day before.

When the grieving widow checked her email, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint. At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:

Dearest Wife,

Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.

P.S. Sure is hot down here.

wrong e-mail address - devil @ - آدرس ایمیل اشتباه - علامت ایمیل شیطانی

ادامه مطلب

طبقه بندی: لطیفه ها، 

برچسب ها: لطیفه، جوک، جک، خنده دار، بهشت و جهنم، wrong email، ترس از مرگ،

نویسنده: بهنام کیماسی
مرتبه
تاریخ : جمعه 6 بهمن 1391

Priest, Doctor, and Lawyer

An old man was on his death bed. He wanted greedily to take some of his money with him. He called his priest, his doctor, and his lawyer to his bedside. "I give each of you $50,000 cash and I trust you to put this in my coffin when I die so I can take some of my money with me."

At the funeral, each man put an envelope in the coffin. Riding away in the priest's expensive car, the priest suddenly broke into tears and confessed, "I had just put $30,000 into the envelope because I needed $20,000 for a new baptistery."

"Well, since we're confiding in each other," said the doctor, "I only put $20,000 in the envelope because we needed a new machine at the hospital which costs $30,000."

The lawyer was aghast. "Both of you disappointed me," he exclaimed. "Just know that when I put my envelope in that coffin, it held my personal check for the full $50,000."

Money in envelope

ادامه مطلب

طبقه بندی: لطیفه ها، 

برچسب ها: داستان، خیلی کوتاه، اعتماد، مرگ، خسیس، انگلیسی، درک مطلب،

نویسنده: بهنام کیماسی
مرتبه
تاریخ : شنبه 12 آذر 1390

Mr. Knott and Mr. Watt on the Phone:

father dad old man on the phone - پیرمرد پدر بابا تلفن

- Hello?
= Who's calling?
- Watt.
= What's your name?
- Watt's my name.
= Yes, what is your name?
- My name is John Watt.
= John what?
- Yes. All right, are you Jones?
= No, I'm Knott.
- Will you tell me your name, then?
= Will Knott.
- Why not?
= My name is Knott.
- Not what?
= Not Watt, Knott.
- What?



لینک مطالب مرتبط: Who-s on First،

طبقه بندی: لطیفه ها، 

برچسب ها: خنده دار، مکالمه، تلفنی، انگلیسی، Mr. Knott، Mr. Watt، پشت تلفن،

نویسنده: بهنام کیماسی
مرتبه
تاریخ : پنجشنبه 18 آذر 1389

The Gift

Four brothers left home for college, and they became successful doctors and lawyers and prospered. Some years later, they chatted after having dinner together. They discussed the gifts that they were able to give to their elderly mother, who lived far away in another city.

The first said, “I had a big house built for Mama. The second said, “I had a hundred thousand dollar theater built in the house. The third said, “I had my Mercedes dealer deliver her an SL600 with a chauffeur. The fourth said, “Listen to this. You know how Mama loved reading the Bible and you know she can’t read it anymore because she can’t see very well. I met this monk who told me about a parrot that can recite the entire Bible. It took 20 monks 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge them $100,000 a year for 20 years to the church, but it was worth it. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot will recite it.” The other brothers were impressed.

After the holidays Mama sent out her Thank You notes. She wrote: Dear Milton, the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house. Thanks anyway.

Dear Mike, you gave me an expensive theater with Dolby sound, it could hold 50 people, but all my friends are dead, I’ve lost my hearing and I’m nearly blind. I’ll never use it. But thank you for the gesture just the same.

Dear Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home, I have my groceries delivered, so I never use the Mercedes… and the driver you hired is a big jerk. But the thought was good. Thanks.

Dearest Melvin, you were the only son to have the good sense to give a little thought to your gift. The chicken was delicious. Thank you!

colorful parrot - طوطی رنگارنگ

ادامه مطلب

طبقه بندی: لطیفه ها، 

برچسب ها: هدیه، مادر، جوک، جک، طنز، انگلیسی، joke،

نویسنده: بهنام کیماسی
مرتبه
تاریخ : سه شنبه 12 مرداد 1389

Who Is Best?

The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it. The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.

The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.

The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"

Police arrested bear - دستگیری خرس پلیس

ادامه مطلب

طبقه بندی: لطیفه ها، 

برچسب ها: FBI، CIA، جوک، لطیفه، انگلیسی، فارسی، پلیس آمریکا،

نویسنده: بهنام کیماسی
مرتبه
تاریخ : سه شنبه 14 مهر 1388

Microsoft New Chairman

Bill Gates organized an enormous session to recruit a new Chairman for Microsoft Europe. 5000 candidates assembled in a large room. One candidate is Amir, an Iranian guy.

Bill Gates thanked all the candidates for coming and asking those who do not know JAVA program to leave. 2000 people leave the room. Amir says to himself, “I do not know JAVA but I have nothing to lose if I stay. I'll give it a try.”

Bill Gates asked the candidates who never had experience of managing more than 100 people to leave. 2000 people leave the room. Amir says to himself, “I never managed anybody by myself, but I have nothing to lose if I stay. What can happen to me?” So he stays.

Then Bill Gates asked candidates who do not have management diplomas to leave. 500 people leave the room. Amir says to himself, “I left school at 15 but what have I got to lose?” So he stays in the room.

Lastly, Bill Gates asked the candidates who do not speak Serbo - Croat to leave. 498 people leave the room. Amir says to himself, “I do not speak one word of Serbo - Croat but what do I have to lose?” So he stays and finds himself with one other candidate.

“Everyone else has gone,” said Bill Gates joining them. “Apparently you are the only two candidates who speak Serbo - Croat, so I'd now like to hear you have a conversation together in that language.”

Calmly, Amir turns to the other candidate and says, “In chi az joune ma mikhad?” The other candidate answers "Age to midouni, manam midounam!"

Microsoft Europe - مایکروسافت اروپا

ادامه مطلب

طبقه بندی: لطیفه ها،  داستان های بسیار کوتاه، 

برچسب ها: Microsoft New Chairman، داستان، کوتاه، خنده دار، انگلیسی، درک مطلب، ایرانی،

نویسنده: بهنام کیماسی
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